9 years.

9 years have passed. 

And it didn't certainly passed in a blink of an eye so let's recap. In 2022, I am now a proud mother of two beautiful boys, Caden and Mason. They're both 9 and 6 now. 

Caden is currently in P4, I mean, can you imagine? Me being a mother of a pre-teen! He surely has a mind of his own and I'm constantly amused by his growth and knowledge. He is truly a mini-me in so many ways but I love it. I love how meticulous he is and how his mind works. He gets anxious as easily as me and it's super challenging to curb that but at the same time, amusing to see how I can see myself in him.

Mason is currently 6 years old right now. He was properly diagnosed to have ASD 3 years ago and I've mostly come in terms with his diagnosis and all I want for him is just to be happy. I say mostly because because I am only human. Most days are bright and sunny but I won't lie that there are some days where I wake up in the middle of the night worrying about his future and I can't help but to wonder who is going to take care of him after I'm gone. But other than that, Mason is a really happy child and I feel blessed. 

He has his own character and for a child with limited vocabulary, he is sure very vocal about what he wants and his decision making too. Mason is generally a happy child who regulates quite easily, as long as we keep telling him what's gonna happen to manage this expectations. He's currently in an intervention centre and I love how the teachers are very emphatic to him and can read him relatively well. If people around me learns about Mason and asks me if there is anything I want of Mason, my answer is usually (and I still stand by it) is that all I want from Mason is to be happy.  

I am not too fussed about his academics and my only wish for him is to be functional. To have a great quality of life. To be able to live day by day independently and most importantly, be happy. 

And then there's me. I would say that 2022 has been truly an eventful year for me. In July 2022, I found out I had breast cancer. 50% of my breast has been infected and the breast surgeon told me that my only treatment plan is to have a mastectomy. And I'm like wow, how do you digest all of that information in one sitting haha. My first reaction to this piece of news was "why? why me?" and my following thoughts were mostly "I have to be well for my kids because my kids depend on me and they're still so young."

So I made an appointment for my surgery 2 weeks after receiving that piece of news. That 2 weeks has truly been a whirlwind of emotions. Mostly ups, but when the down hits me, it hits me really hard. I will suddenly turn to God demanding answers. Like why, of all people, me? It is because of my diet? But I feel like my diet has been relatively ok. I don't eat junk food everyday and let's not start about exercising. 

I picked up spinning 2 years ago and have been hooked onto it that I look forward to my classes before I go to sleep every night. I usually go for my spin classes 4-5 times a week and some days I could even go for back to back classes. So health aside, why me? What did I do to deserve this? As much as I want this to be a passing thought, it's not. I will need some time to recollect my thoughts and tell myself that God knows I am strong enough to overcome this. So most days, I am at peace with myself and trying to live life to the fullest. 

Ok. I should do a part 2 soon cause mummy duties!